The last two months has been hard. Like running through liquid corn starch kind of hard. Like take another Xanax because we are in for one hell of a ride kind of hard. Life. Work. Stuff. It all plays a game with your mind, leaving you an emotional wreck.
The crescendo happened last night though. It was the realization that I’m dealing with a narcissist. A person who wages psychological war on you, refuses to acknowledge their fault, and gives you a “present” to make you forget the pain they have inflicted. They do something c r a z y. Everyone around you knows its crazy. Abusive. Defeating. We are all angry. Sad. Hurt. We cry. And then they walk in the door like nothing happened. Make jokes. Their mood is at an all time high. They give you a benefit. A privilege you didn’t have before… because that will make it better. Pouring the fuel as they walk. Lighting the end. Gas lighting you all the way to the end. Laughing as you look at the shiny new present and think “Dang, they are so nice”.
They aren’t.
They aren’t nice.
They are out for themselves, sailing on a single seater boat. And they are the captain. And they don’t give one shit about you. They only care that you forgive them and get back to life as it was before.
I lived with this during my entire childhood. After the beatings, the screaming, the belittling, it was always the same.
I’m done now. I saw the light. I saw the pattern. Now we move forward.
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